It is a beautiful Sunday evening. And, I am ambling down the lanes of Connaught Place. CP, you know, the heart of Delhi, which in itself is a heart, the heart of India. There are an entire lot of people around. I have a smile on my face. It is in human nature that he feels good when there are people around him. It is not a fake smile. I seldom smile a fake smile. I have a genuine smile on my face. And it is so because I am feeling happy. People feel happy when they are satisfied. Yes, I am satisfied. Don’t ask me the reason though. Happiness disappears when others come to know about the reason behind it. I see a child holding an ice-cream. I smile at her. She smiles back at me. There are pigeons on the lawn. People are throwing grains at them. A soft waft of warm air gets stubbed on my cold face. I take a deep breath. This must be some heaven…
I enter a restaurant. A posh food court meant for posh people living in posh colonies. There are well attired waiters and waitresses to help you and serve you. People usually know when they have to bully and when, they need to serve. It comes from experience. I take a seat near an aquarium. I look at the fish inside it. I think about the freedom they have lost in being that precious as they are, now. I contemplate, whether it makes them happy or not. Being enslaved to a very posh cage of posh eyes, or being given a much higher level of attention than most of their free compatriots. Even animals know when they have to bully and when, they need to serve. It is about survival actually. You bully because you know you won’t get that chance later. You serve because you want to get that chance one day. The world is a two way system. Everyone is trying to get to a single common point. But the sad point is, nobody knows what that point is. I place an order of pizza. With toppings of cheese and mushroom. I have never tried mushroom before. I want to give it a try. Just for fun, you know. I also want to touch that point. The point I mentioned before. The point which repels you as soon as you come too near to it…
I come out of the restaurant. I did not eat the pizza. Just after two bites, it became clear to me that mushroom doesn’t suit me. The Waiter politely took the pizza away and brought me a burger instead. Connaught Place is vibrating with wonderful colors and sounds. I like such life. A hectic life with momentary fusions of fun and peace. The same waiter enters the restaurant. He asks me whether I liked the burger. People ask you when they know you can give them something. It is in human nature. You also behave the same way. I look at a stray dog near the dustbin. He is trying to find something there. He uses his nose and claws to explore the dustbin. This is a very common picture in India. Animals get their share of meals through such open dustbins. India is a poor country. Just then, a man arrives there. He shoos the dog away. I am not surprised. Connaught Place is an important place. Government takes care of such important places by periodic cleaning and maintenance. The dog retaliates. He barks at the man. But the man is man. He grasps a stick from the ground and projects it towards the dog to scare him away. The dog runs away with a muffled sound. Now the man is free. He is free to do his job. He puts his hand into the bin and starts rummaging something in it. I contemplate. A job is a job. There should be no shame in doing it. Even if, it is of a rag collector. In fact, such rag pickers are responsible for recycling products and hence keeping the earth clean. The man stops moving his hand in the dust bin. Perhaps he has found what he wanted. He looks sideways. He looks at the object in his hand. He also looks at me with furtive eyes. And then, he starts EATING it….
It is the same mushroom pizza…
..I am walking with them. They are laughing. They are making fun of someone who is not here. I am listening to them. I am trying hard….
….They are laughing. Someone has cracked a joke. I know it is a good joke. They like it very much. I know I am also supposed to laugh. But still….
Everyone in this world I suppose, I mean everyone, has a purpose in this world. God has made it like this perhaps. I don’t like to talk about Him. But then I don’t know many things. I am still blank. A blank….. Forget it….The thing is even I am not sure what I am. Or what I should be….what can you expect from someone who has not even (_) years with him?…..
I don’t know what I should make out of the point of discussion. I don’t know what I should do. I mean would laughing do the needful? I mean won’t people understand that I am just faking? That I am just trying to veil my unhappiness under that smile. That smile…which I hate even more than my k…..
But then I am still there. And the world is still there. And it will be….even if I disappear…..But then it is today… Today is the day…why think about something you can’t stop? Why think about something you don’t want to stop?…But still you can do what you want to do. But…..I don’t like this word. I don’t like it. In fact. I hate it. But then it has stuck to my life…..Life…which is the only reason I am living today…
I want to live the rest of my life. I don’t know how will I do it? I don’t know whether I would be successful in doing it? But still…..I have a hope…yes hope….an expressionless word invented to soothe those who are destined to lose it every time they tend to think that they have finally got it……
People say the glass is always half full. But then half filled with what? I know after reading this note you will say I am sick. I know it very well. Because once upon a time I was like you. Or what I wanted to be….Today, I am just an example..or rather tomorrow….I am not sure….
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